Yes! Yes! Chavez! Yes!

Our prayers have been answered! Not the one about denying bank access to registered Democrats, or the one about planting a microchip in everyone's brain making them think we're in dire need of increased military funding but since it's just a chip no extra soldiers will have to be hired, or even the one about laws not applying in bathroom stalls that I assure you not all of us pray for. This one is better. Hugo Chavez is officially dictator of Venezuela!

Granted, it's supposed to be temporary, but the war in Iraq was supposed to be over after a few months and we know how that went. Hugo Chavez, that commie lunatic, is allowed to pass laws just by saying that he wants them to be laws. Granted, we are a bit envious and we would be trying to kill him in a jealous rage but he's just so darn useful.

Hugo Chavez = the perfect bogeyman.

Osama and the terrorists were effective bogeys for a while, but the problem with them is they're just too hateful for semi-rational people to believe that secular progressives would support them, and the other problem is that they spent too much time hiding in caves to be particularly scary to most Americans. North Korea comes with some of the same problems as al-Qaeda. Chavez, on the other hand, loves the media and will probably be announcing his abuses of power every chance he gets. But even better, a significant amount of people in America actually like him. Free oil to the poor and other such policies that we are far too evil to implement. But the point is, he is a power-hungry dictator and that allows us to marginalize anyone who supports him or anything close to his political philosophy. Hopefully send them to jail for pre-emptive measures, since we refuse to admit that acting pre-emptively ever causes negative consequences.

Bernie Sanders should spend more time behind bars than Bernie Madoff, and with Chavez as dictator it just might happen.

Huzzah!