Hooray For Child Marriage

As a testament to our awesome, mind-controlling power, we forcefully opposed a bill aiming to keep children from being forced into marriage, justifying our opposition by citing the high cost, and we still haven't been laughed out of public favor. People believe us, even though it would cost a relatively paltry 108 million dollars. Are they that stupid, or are we that good? Maybe a little of both, but the point is bwahaha.

Child marriage lives on!

This is something we would rather not admit in public, but we love child marriage. Partially because some prominent members of our organization really really love the children and would like to be able to marry a ten year old after leaving public office, but mostly because we're evil. We know that robbing children, especially young women, of their childhood not only promotes immediate suffering but promotes a culture of misogyny and prevents young women from maturing properly before giving birth so they often cannot raise their progeny nearly as well as if they had been able to marry by choice. This promotes societal dysfunction, and societal dysfunction leads to conflicts without any clear resolution.

Exactly the kind of conflict that we can rally our base around to support us against their own economic interests, thus allowing us to turn around and help our corporate supporters make billions through loosened regulations and other forms of legal evil. At least it will work if they haven't learned from our previous transgressions, and I don't think they will ever learn.

Muah hah hah.