If we let them go to college, they might take our jobs.
Just kidding, college hardly gets anyone a job at all and certainly wouldn't qualify those people for a government position. Government positions primarily require a ton of campaign money, and people who need government help to afford college certainly aren't going to be able to raise millions of dollars to build a positive image, ruin an opponent or ten's image, and combat the effects of negative campaigns on the part of opponents.
The real problem with letting illegal kids go to college is that it's against the law since they're illegal.
Kidding again. What do we care about the law? The problem is that it would allow illegal immigrants to earn a reputation as good people trying to live the American Dream as opposed to filthy moochers that should be shot, and such a feel-good story might start to melt our black, black hearts and that would be simply unacceptable. It would also give our rabid voter base less reason to hate illegal immigrants and therefore less reason to vote for us, although probably not because they'd still believe that illegals are keeping their children out of college and not the fact that their kids are stupid and lazy. Really, though, we did it because we hate people and want to crush as many dreams as possible.
Except for Orrin Hatch, the traitor.
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